El Paso’s Social Scene: The Rise of the Douchebag
If you go out to places like Cincinnati Street and Union Plaza, you have probably seen them. There is no clear definition for them (after reading this article, browse sites such as EP Nightlife and In the 915 for countless examples). When spotting one, it is like the courts defined porn: you’ll know it when you see it. I am talking about the douchebag, and the douchebag currently dominates most of El Paso’s social spots (primarily the aforementioned 2).
As a friend reminded me, some douchebags do not seem like douchebags at first. Those douchebags are more douchy in their personality than just their appearance. For this discussion, however, I will focus on the douchebags that are easy to spot. And the term douchebag applies to males only. Also, the characteristics listed are not all-inclusive; hipsters (see “I’m not too fond of hispters either”) can sometimes be douchebags. The following paragraph lists the most common characteristics of douchebags.
Docuhebags most often look like they spent more time getting ready to go out than most of the females around. They look very metro (being metro, however, does not necessarily make you a douchebag). They often try to draw attention to themselves with their wacky hair and “look how cool I am” demeanor. They do not seem content in just hanging out; their behavior is a cry for attention. They sometimes think they are so cool they only button their shirts halfway up. The half-buttoned shirts, which seem tight enough to cut off blood circulation to the brain (that could explain a lot), tend to have vertical stripes in very loud colors or ca just be flashy. It always seems that they make so much effort to try to look cooler than everyone else.
The puzzling thing about douchebags is that they can actually attract females. How do they do this? When I see a docuhebag with an attractive female, I wonder, “Why is she with that docuhebag?” I see this as self-degradation by said female.
Another friend of mine tried likening this to a guy that is attracted to an attractive female who does not have the best personality (five-letter word for dog). The fallacy I saw in this argument was that a guy cannot easily determine whether a girl has a poor personality just by looking at her, whereas most of the time you can spot a douchebag just by looking at one. She then preceded to argue that douchebags are “hot,” or at least can be. I became even more puzzled. What is attractive about this guy with spiked hair with purple tips?
One explanation for the douchebag’s ability to attract females was proposed to me by another friend. Douchebags look like they spend a lot to look the way they do. Thus, the theory follows that douchebags must have a decent amount of money, so the money attracts the females.
Whatever it is, I will give credit to these douchebags. Hey, you guys are buying drinks and attracting nice-looking females. Sure, you don’t have a college degree, but hey, you look cool in your Nissan Z or F-650 (which has never been off-road or used to tow anything). You may even take that female home tonight; please use protection.
When I see the douchebag out with a female, I pray that they do not reproduce, and I am not even religious. I know I sound mean, and sure, some douchebags may be “nice” people; that does not take away from the fact that they are douchebags.
In all fairness, some educated people who could be considered assets to this city tend to get sucked into the douchebag behavior. Please resist this; we can win.
-fourof3
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2 Comments, Comment or Ping
bionicle
For the sake of discussion: who’s to say they aren’t saying the same thing about you? Oh wait, but you have a degree to flash back at them…hmmm…Point being, people are never going to be satisfied. Douchbags are everywhere. My personal advice is if you want to see a change in nightlife try maybe a different state. I don’t guarantee that you won’t see ANY of these “douchbags” but maybe less.
Apr 10th, 2008
chesswithdeath
couldn’t help myself, but compiled a list to add to the Douchebag outlined above.
Other negative characteristics of El Pasoans:
– Collar poppers. A slap in the face to over 700 years of men wearing shirts correctly; put that goddamn collar down.
– Wearing clothing from stores that are not in the city (or have established a store in El Paso in the last 10 years). In high school it was ambercrombie, banana republic, American eagle, etc.
– wearing $5 t-shirts that cost $30 because they were purchased at said stores
– Super tight jeans. Emo’s in general. Back in the day it was super baggy jeans, now its super tight. A friend who works at Tinseltown has seen kids being dropped off by parents in regular jeans, then when the parents leave, they remove the top layer of jeans in favor of the super tight ones underneath. This kind of behavior cannot be encouraged in any way. I really dig their music, but the goddamn Mars Volta started this whole mess.
– Buying pre-torn and tattered clothing. Jeans, shorts, caps and shirts. Call me old fashioned, but new clothing should look new.
– The Starer. It can be in your car, staring as one car passes another. It can be the guy a couple places behind you at the convenient store. It can be the guy in another table when your out getting some food or drinks. It can be the guy walking as you wait at a stop light. I promise you this much, you will encounter this one. Its usually a stranger and its usually over nothing, but you will get stared at. Its your choice If you want to meet the gaze with your own, but who really wants to fight over nothing?
– the texter. He’s there, going 47 in middle lane, swerving left to right. As you cautiously pass, you stare at him (d’oh), and can easily see that he has one hand on the wheel, but, one hand and both eyes are on his phone.
– People who don’t own small businesses that have blackberry’s. I mean is all this really necessary, why does your phone need to run windows if you work at a call center?
– The guy with a kid (or two) who is always on the prowl. Its obvious that he has game, he pulls them in and seals the deal. But, what’s up with being a father? having respect for the mother? being a decent guy? Worst is when he has a daughter and still treats women with no respect.
– the bar/club picture. Everyone, including myself, is guilty of this one, but unless its the guy in a tux with a Polaroid and flowers taking the pic, its unacceptable.
– the non-tipper. Rudely orders, hits on the bartender and then leaves no tip. This guy just plain sucks. FYI - leave one dollar per drink ordered is pretty standard.
– The Hater. The most prevalent of the group. Large population in El Paso. Poor Jordan Palmer experienced mass quantities of this one. The hater just hates, it comes natural to him, has evolved into a second nature. If born and raised in El Paso, his Hate-DNA is ingrained into him from birth, nurtured and allowed to flourish. Its evolved over the years into an art.
The hate artist can hate on anything. ANYTHING!!! Has literally taken Hate to a whole new level. Broken boundaries and pushes the hate envelope. if you give them a cold drink on a hot day he’ll hate on the cup the drink is in. Invite him to your BBQ and he’ll hate on where you got the meat. Give him a Benjamin and he’ll hate on the large bill, give him 5 20’s and he’ll hate on the excessive amount of bills. If he doesn’t have a ride, he’ll hate on yours as soon as he gets in. If he’s never played a sport in his life, he hates as well as ESPN commentators. He’ll constantly hate on his job, but has worked there for 6 years. He’ll hate on the President or Mayor, but doesn’t vote.
Depending on where they grew up, they will hate accordingly: Westsiders will hate on the Northeast; Eastsiders will hate on the Lower Valley; Bliss hates on Central; Canutillo hates on Clint; Horizon hates on East Montana; everyone hates on Juarez. This kind of location hate happens in every possible combination and is usually mutual. Most importantly, the true hater will always hate on El Paso, but will never leave. Thing is about these haters, is that they usually mean nothing by their hate, they just constantly do it. They can’t help it, its pretty much involuntary at this point. After a certain point, its just who they are.
Sadly, I have realized that I am a hater. Think most everyone that contributes to this site is guilty of this one. Myself, I Hate and Hate and Hate and Hate, with no end in site. I don’t want to hate anymore, my hate tank is running on low. I think everyone can agree that the culture of this city needs to change, i think stopping the hate will make a big difference in the air and in the energy of the city. Its time, time to stop the hate.
Imagine some of the things that could occur if there was no hating:
Jobs will come cause there is no hate.
Redevelopment will occur more organically cause there is no hate.
Brain Drain won’t occur cause there is love, not hate.
Those super hot Mid July days will be a little cooler cause there will be less hate.
Dust stormns will be less violent cause there is no hate.
I-10 will magically flow steadily at all times, especially rush hour, cause there will be no hate.
Better art and social scenes will naturally evolve in a hate-free environment.
Higher graduation and lower teen pregnancy rates will occur because there is no hate.
More people will go to school with less hate in the atmosphere.
City Council will successfully work towards common goals because there is no more hate.
-chesswithdeath
Apr 12th, 2008
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