As the El Paso Times reported, Mayor Cook took El Paso’s City Council to Juarez this past Thursday. Your friends here at the Avocadoan managed to tag along for the ride. Here are some notes from the trip.

“Sometimes they are just so unappreciative and spoiled, I felt that they should see how the other half lives,” Mayor Cook said of Council. “I just felt it would be great for them to see that not everyone has cushy leather chairs and BlackBerrys.” Some Councilmembers, however, did not care for the trip. “This place sucks! I might like it if I was in high school, but I can buy alcohol on the American side now, so I don’t see the point in coming here. All the hot older women are taken by the cartels bosses. I’ll probably get shot just for checking out one of them.” Rep. Beto O’Rourke was able to see some good in the situation. “I have a kid, and I’m about to have another, so I’d really like to find a nanny while I’m out here. That way the kids learn Spanish growing up. I also hear they are great cooks.” Fellow progressive Rep. Byrd, however, seemed somewhat disillusioned by the trip: “I kept thinking to myself, ‘I don’t remember Downtown El Paso being this big.’ Between there being Mexicans everywhere shops full of secondhand goods, I totally thought we were still in Downtown. I must’ve fallen asleep listening to Rep. Lilly’s stories of her time in Berlin when we crossed over.”
Most members of City Council were in awe at the reception received by Rep. Castro. “It’s like they know her over here; like she went to school with these people,” Rep. Lilly said. Rep. Ortega continued, “She’s hot, so hopefully she has some hot friends over here who don’t have ties to the cartels and I can take one back by playing the ‘you’ll become a citizen’ line.” Rep. Holguin seemed comfortable across the river as well: “I wore one of my purple shirts and gold chains today, so nobody messed with me. Had my mustache grown back, I would’ve had it made. Either way, the cartel guys thought I was one of them, so it was good.” The only bright side for Rep. Quintana was receiving the bronze bust of Benito Juarez: “Hopefully I can sell this thing because I’m going to have to fly to Sacramento again soon, and I ran out of letterhead from FedEx.”
In terms of legality, state law prohibits municipalities from having government meetings outside of the United States. Mayor Cook responded, “I had to tell Council to pretend they weren’t working, which seemed easy for them to do. Personally, we’ve broken enough laws, so what’s one more, right?” Commenting on one objective of the trip being “to show tourists and cross-border travelers that they will find safety and security if they choose to cross the border into Mexico,” Rep. O’Rourke and Mayor Cook agreed that they felt totally safe. “It doesn’t matter that we are elected officials, that my father-in-law is one of the richest men in El Paso, and that Mayor Cook sits on the PSB. This place is safe for ANYONE. What El Pasoan couldn’t identify with us?”
Upon returning to the United States, newly elected Rep. Acosta was nowhere to be found. Reps. O’Rourke and Ortega later confessed to hazing their new colleague by hiding her driver’s license on the way back. She is currently being detained by immigration officials while they confirm her citizenship.
County Commissioner Veronica Escobar said of the trip, “I’m sooooo upset I didn’t get invited. Susie and I are, or at least I thought, like BFFs. And then she doesn’t invite me to Juarez? UGH!”

-Avocadoan Staff