In order to appreciate and better understand this satire, please read Rich Wright’s Segundo.

It was just after work, on a Friday afternoon. I stopped at Ale House thinking I might play some pool. As this was my first time here, I sat near the middle of the bar to scope things out.

“How can I help you,” the bartender asked.

“What do you recommend?”

“Landshark is the popular beer right now. The juiced-looking guys in the Affliction and Tapout shirts love that stuff.”

“I think I’ll go with a Blue Moon.”

“No problem.”

“Thanks.”

The crowd was mostly older, working guys. A few of them looked at me funny for not ordering a Budweiser. My Italian suit may have thrown them off as well.

“So where are all the guys in the Affliction and Tapout shirts?”

“They don’t get here until later. They also swarm this place on Thursday nights; at our neighbors Geske’s & Susaki as well. We’re a little more laid back than those two places. In fact, hang out long enough and you’ll fit in better over there than here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, unless you have a striped polo shirt in your car, or one of those other two shirts I mentioned earlier.”

“That’s interesting. What else is around here?”

“There’s Graham’s a few blocks up. They charge cover, but drinks are 25 cents before 11:00.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, just don’t tell anyone I told you that.”

I thanked the bartender and headed up to Pelican’s. Great atmosphere and I fit right in. By the time I finished dinner and got the digits off some divorcees, it was about 8:30, so I figured I’d try that Graham’s place.

After paying the cover charge, I felt more out of place than I did at Ale House, so I ordered a Budweiser. In addition to several striped polo shirts, there were many males in oversized white t-shirts, as well as a strong military presence fascinated by curvy hispanic girls moving their bodies to hip-hop and country.

I decided to head further east, up a street called Zaragosa, or Zaragoza, not sure. I ended up lost in some neighborhood with poor lighting. I came across some people hanging out in their front yard and stopped.

“Evening. You all don’t have streetlights around here?”

“Not really. Our rep doesn’t get along with the City Manager, and the City let the developers run wild on this area. For the longest time, we had to drive 10 miles for a gallon of milk. Urban sprawl at its worst. The housing was really inexpensive, got here before the bubble burst. Now, some of my neighbors have been foreclosed upon.”

“Wow, that’s tough. Why don’t you guys start a recall on your rep?”

“What’s a recall?”

I was dumbfounded at this response. “Who would vote for a rep like that?”

“Not us. Come to think of it, not many people around here vote at all.”

-fourof3