avocadoan.com

Castro’s Last Gasp and The MelinaMobile

Avocadoanian — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:38:56 +0000

Ex-Rep, Melina Castro, had one more trick up her thong. These billboards were strategically placed around the Northeast last Friday, a day before the runoff, after news broke that Luther Jones and Gilbert Sanchez had been indicted.

The famed MelinaMobile, in all it’s glory.

-Avocadoan Staff

Pickett Hits It; Does Not Quit It

Avocadoanian — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:47:50 +0000

From: link

Somebody has been passing more than laws.

-Staff

Pixy Studios to host 2009 Summer Photo Series

Avocadoan Staff — Thu, 28 May 2009 03:26:07 +0000

Local photography studio Pixy Studios will be hosting four free events through June and July at 309 E. Franklin, 79901. Receive a free gift at each event; RSVP is recommended.

June 13: Mini-Fashion Shoot for 2010 Seniors

June 27: “Trash the Dress;” wear a formal dress and trash it

July 11: “Baby Cakes;” Bring you children 6 and under to have some fun with an extra large cupcake

July 25: “In the Box;” Try their newest prop for free and receive a free gift

Cacamole 5/27/2009: Capitol “Hills” and Gay People

Avocadoan Staff — Thu, 28 May 2009 03:18:28 +0000

Our apologies for the constipation.

In an attempt to mimic Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag/Pratt of MTV’s The Hills, there is drama brewing on Capitol Hill.

Reps. Marisa Marquez and Norma “I finally graduated college” Chavez are apparently feuding. The use of extremely shitty typing in the text message might be Chavez’s attempt at dumbing down (or possibly up) to show her constituents she is just like them. OMG.

On a related note, expect David K. to write another “I hate Norma” post regarding the topic soon. And if the article ends up on Newspaper Tree, expect him to blog about it being on Newspaper Tree.

In other drama, it is rumored that the oh-so-divisive issue of gay marriage may result in two opposite parts of El Paso uniting. In response to the demonstration held in favor of gay rights Downtown, the ignorant and uneducated conservatives of El Paso’s East Side (or as its residents call it, East Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyud!!!) and Lower (Mission) Valley have realized they have something in common with the WASPy, religious zealots of the West Side. “We don’t agree on much, or anything at all, but we’re all insecure when it comes to gay people we don’t even know getting married,” said one member of the potential alliance.

‘Cadocam: Club Liquid/Bourjalais is a Blazin’

Avocadoanian — Wed, 13 May 2009 16:26:03 +0000

The ‘Cadocam, first on the scene, caught a not so popular “hotspot” once named Bourjalais now named Club Liquid on Mesa on fire this afternoon. The establishment had undergone renovation recently. We can’t tell yet who will claim that this will be ruled fire insurance fraud.

Update: Kern Place housewives are flocking to meet firefighters.

Pics below:

pics submitted by Avocadoan street reporter - Mike Oxlong

Flaunting Progressive Slant, Newspaper Tree Home Page Disses Acosta

Avocadoan Staff — Sun, 10 May 2009 23:24:26 +0000

With the election over (aside from run-offs) and possibly not feeling the need to be nice, Newspaper Tree has apparently dissed re-elected Rep. Emma Acosta. On their homepage (as seen below), Newspaper Tree mentions all but one winner from Saturday night’s election. Maybe beating Lozano is like an adult winning at musical chairs, or getting a medal at the Special Olympics.

“Watchame, gente! I’m on Tweeeeeeter!!” Special to the Avocadoan

Avocadoan Staff — Sun, 10 May 2009 20:47:59 +0000

Wazzzup, homies? This is your boy, Nacho the Vato, coming at ya, from the 915. One thing about Chuco Town is how far we can be in terms of technology. Even that white boy from Newspaper Tree barely tried Facebook a few days ago. Well, your boy Nacho is now going to show you how cool technology can be!

My lady likes to watch all those celebrity shows, and every time they mention Kim Kardashian I watch using my peripheral vision. I’ve noticed that a lot of the news comes from this thing called Twitter, so I thought I’d look into it in hopes of seeing more of Kim’s ass (but don’t tell my lady!). Anyhow, I learned that I can use this Tweeeeter thing to send updates on my life to all my homies.

Now I don’t know how much the average El Pasoan uses it, but I figured I’d give it a chot. I bet all the gueros Downtown and on the West Side use it, but it is high time the gente experience it! And these nice fuckers from the Avocadoan told me I could use their site to get the message out.

From now on, you can know what I’m doing, eating, drinking, smoking, as well as when I see hot chicks. Just subscribe to my Tweeeter and you can get all that stuff via computer or text message, because I know no matter how poor you are you have a phone with a texting plan. Time to make Tweeeeter an El Paso thing! Orale!!!!

Melina Castro Supporters throw out Classic EP Chant

Avocadoanian — Sun, 10 May 2009 08:58:31 +0000

For the chant, fast forward to 3:31. Rhymes with “frijolero.” Also at 9:00, name that drink. Rick Cabrera does his best Jimmy Fallon impersonation throughout. Can you tell that Estela wants to slap him?

Cacamole: The Politics of Dancing, KDBC’s Nichole Ayoub, Swine, NPT, and The Savard Snuggle Factor

fourof3 — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:38:54 +0000

After pissing off a bunch of El Pasoans, aspiring professional dancer Mayo Alanen has attempted to make peace with the city whose residents felt dissed last week. In an interview with a blogger from The El Paso Times, Mayo proclaimed his El Paso pride. This serves as evidence of the increasing importance of the Hispanic vote. After completing the interview, Times employees were heard snickering, “Those fuckers at the Tree won’t know what hit ‘em.”
KDBC decides to go off the air until Nichole Ayoub returns from having her litter. Reports say that her face was the only really good one worth showing, especially after Gene Savard left. The Savard Snuggle Factor is currently in a state of inflammation.
Silvestre Reyes is ashamed that anybody would suggest closing the Texas-Mexico borders over the recent hybrid flu scare. Explained that he would not be supporting “Operation Hold the Swine ™.”
NPT asks a few hot chicks and random metrosexuals how much they are willing to pay for The El Paso Times.

ABC-7’s Darren Hunt (aka “McLovin”) & EPPD Reconcile their Differences

Avocadoanian — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 04:46:55 +0000

Avocadoan cameras captured the following.